KiGo & The Brain a tale of Mice and Kim & Shego
by SHADO Commander
Summary: Aaaa!  It's CHAPTER 2!  A KiGo crossover that's actually based on the very real connections between Kim Possible and Pinky and the Brain... what, you didn't know about those?  Read up, bucko, and then you'll see them too.  BEWARE!  MATURE!  KIGO!
1. Chapter 1

_Author's note: To be honest, I don't remember exactly why I wrote this. I found the basic idea doodled out in my notes on G-mail, then put what existed up on KP Slash Haven to see if there was any interest. Apparently there was… so, I've gone to the next step and padded this first chapter out. Will there be more than this? We'll see where it goes from here. So if you want to see more, review and let me know.__ Seriously, as Motor Ed would say. __**Legal disclaimers: Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Rufus, Big Daddy Brotherson & Dr. Drakken are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Pinky and The Brain created by Tom Rueger and Steven Spielberg, and those names are**__** trademarks of Warner Brothers Entertainment. Use in **__**use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, but just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all human characters doing the naughty shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 1, while all mole-rats and mice are also of consenting age.**_

########################

**KIGO & THE BRAIN**

Part 1 - OF MICE AND KIM

_Yet Another Very Wrong FanFic by_ SHADO Commander

#######################

"So, you'll remember to give them cheese three times a day, right?"

"Ron!" Kim scowled. "I'm a college girl now! I think that makes me a LITTLE responsible!"

"Okay, okay!" Ron backed away out of hitting range. Kim had been more irritable than usual ever since they had broken up… amicably, of course, but Ron couldn't help but get the feeling that there were 'things' Kim hadn't been willing to say and risk jeopardizing their friendship over. And the fact that he'd been dating Yori within a week of their official parting, whereas eight months later Kim still hadn't gone out with anyone other than 'the gang' when they met up at Bueno Nacho, only made him a little more nervous about whatever it might be. When he got back from this trip to Israel, he'd have to hit up Monique and see if Kim had given HER any hints as to what was bothering her.

"I'm sorry Kim," Ron apologized, sensing that that was the right thing to do. "It's just that I've never left Rufus behind before… but three naked mole rats are more than customs is willing to overlook, and Rufus is really enjoying hanging with his new buds, so…"

Kim's face softened instantly in sympathy. "I know Ron, I'm sorry… I just…"

Ron waited for her hopefully, praying that she'd somehow read his mind and had chosen this moment to open up but…

Such was not to be. Instead, her expression twisted into one of puzzlement as she looked down at the carrying cage he had just brought to her college dorm.

"Ron... did one of your new mole rats just say "Narf?"

"Uh... Naco!" corrected the third mole rat, who was curiously shorter than the other two and possessed an unusually large cranium, as it glared at the others. "Yes, in the plural. Nacos," it confirmed in an unusually deep and melodious voice that sounded suspiciously familiar…

"Uh… yeah," Kim muttered skeptically to herself. There were times when she was sure she could understand what Rufus was saying, but with this new one the voice was even clearer. And what was it that this mole rat kept reminding her of?

A wanted poster?

Well, that was certainly ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as the second mole rat… the one with the big red nose… who was currently attempting to put his head inside the water bottle.

"Okay, I really gotta be going," Ron finally exhaled noisily. "International flights have a two hour early check in, which means my Dad's going to want to be there THREE hours early, so…"

"Yeah," Kim smiled, leaning over and giving him a polite kiss on the cheek. "Don't forget to send me a postcard, okay?"

"No problem, KP," Ron smiled.

And then he turned and walked away.

Kim kept the door open, watching as he disappeared around the corner of the hall that led to the stairs.

And as soon as he was out of sight, she reached into the bag of supplies Ron had brought, pulled out the biggest wedge of cheese, and crumbled it into the cage.

"Here you go guys," she sighed. "At least somebody ought to get what they want."

Kim watched as Rufus and the mole rat called Pinky fell upon the cheese with all the grace of starving cannibals devouring a clown… it was frightening but at the same time awkweirdly funny. The other mole rat, the one Ron called Noodle Noggin, chose instead to spear a small chunk with a pair of frilly cocktail toothpicks that he held like chopsticks, and sat on the side, staring balefully at the others.

"Yeah, I know how you feel," Kim told the gloomy looking naked rat. "Sometimes you feel like you're the only one in the world who thinks the way you do."

Not wanting to the rats to feel like she was staring, she covering the cage with the special sound baffling blanket, taking care to leave the top of the cage closed but unlatched… it wasn't like Rufus couldn't get out anytime he wanted, after all, and the cage was mainly so that the other girls in the dorm wouldn't freak if they saw mole rats running around. But at least Kim had a private room… "private" that is, in so much as the frequency with which she was awakened in the middle of the night by urgent calls from the police, Global Justice and, lately, the college's own Security Patrol… had driven out five roommates in the first two months she'd been attending Interstate Open University and the school had given up the extra bed as a lost cause.

Which had worked out well enough for Kim, as she'd had the extra bed removed and replaced with a martial arts training bag and a sparring dummy. There were better facilities in IOU's enormous gym complex, but when you were a girl who was often consumed by the desire to hit something, there wasn't always time to run across the campus.

In fact, she thought, eying the bag in the corner, she felt a bit in need of taking advantage of her own personal gym right now…

##############

Two hours later, a heavily sweating Kim Possible had finished the first part of her regular private workout. The hastily wrapped knuckles of both of her hands were battered and bleeding, and there was no doubt that the heavy punching bag was going to have to be reupholstered, as sand was starting to leak rather profusely from the seams… but she'd managed to take at least some of the edge off. Now there was just one more little ritual to indulge in and she'd probably be able to sleep tonight… but first… just to be sure, she went over and double checked the double bolt her door. Yep, still locked. And there hadn't been a peep out of the mole rats in over an hour… a cheese overdose always knocked Rufus out, and it seemed that his new friends were equally susceptible to lactose intoxication. The blanket was still over the cage, so... best to let sleeping mole rats lie.

What the girl hero wasn't aware of, however, as she went to close her blinds and then pulled the curtains shut over those, was that the "mole rats" were no longer even in the cage. In fact, her entire workout had actually been the subject of rather intense scrutiny by the one called Noggin… whose real name was simply The Brain… who had lead the others to a secret hiding place behind Kim's bookshelf, and then observed the whole display of her martial prowess with what could be called and almost clinically analytic attitude.

Having erroneously disregarded the small pets she was keeping for Ron as no reason for concern, and certain that there were no prying human eyes about, Kim stepped into her closet, reached up into a small crevice at the back of the very top shelf, and pulled out a long black lockbox such as might hold a pair of size 20 shoes.

#########

Brain watched with interest. He'd known Kim Possible was a formidable fighter, but she'd unleashed moves that he knew were beyond the ability of even the world's top martial artists, leading him to the frightening conclusion that she'd actually been holding back in many of her battles with the criminal element.

By this point Rufus and Pinky had completely lost all focus, and were amusing themselves by tossing cotton makeup removers at each other, but the teenager's sudden set of recent furtive actions had set the Brain's brilliant mind on high alert. Hopping from his place behind the shelf, Brain scuttled tip-toe across the top of Kim's cluttered writing desk in order to get a better view.

By this time the girl had made a side trip to the other side of the room and retrieved a small key that she had apparently hidden at the bottom of a dresser drawer, and had unlocked the mysterious container. Thus far her actions had been unusual, but what happened next was completely unanticipated.

With smooth, feline movements, Possible wiggled her out of both her cargo pants and the underclothing underneath and… leaving her top on… lay supine on the bed, next to the box, peering at an object inside. Brain's jaw fell as she next began slowly massaging the area between her legs with circular motions of her left hand with what could only be described as extremely self-amorous intent.

"Goodness," Brain thought. "And I thought things were racy on the WB!" (Referring, of course, to the only station his previous 'captors' seemed to be able to receive on the small portable set in their lab.)

Yes, Possible's current actions were definitely not TV safe, her breath starting to come in rapid pants as her fingers worked the increasingly well lubricated focus of her attention and her trembling hips began to pump rhythmically in exactly half of the world's oldest dance. Brain couldn't believe it; the cool, calm and collected heroine he'd observed all afternoon had become a shaking, shivering mass of shuddering gasps and lustful groans that were just barely held in check by her tightly gritted teeth. And whatever was in the box was obviously the key to reducing the redhead to jelly…

Surely this information would be worth something to the villain community? Perhaps even enough to convince a competent scientist to agree to fix the Brain's malfunctioning Big Daddy Brotherson robo-drone! Then he and Pinky could give up this ridiculous charade (and the uncomfortable process of shaving their entire bodies every night) and go back to doing what they did best… try to take over the world.

Motioning for Rufus and Pinky to join him, he made them form the bottom two thirds of a pyramid that allowed him to scramble atop the towering pile of books for a better viewing angle. Ironically, as he reached the summit, he noted that the very top book that would serve as his viewing platform was a copy of "Of Mice and Men."

Ironic, because Possible had already been ignoring the mice… and men were CLEARLY the last thing on her sex-addled mind.

Brain's jaw dropped to the floor… well to the book cover, actually… as Possible's right hand grabbed into the box, pulling out a huge vibrator and firing it up to full thrumming intensity… but it wasn't the 18 inch long pelvo-thruster that knocked him silly… it was finally beholding what was holding the goody-two shoes heroine in such a state of self-coital frenzy.

It wasn't just that it was a picture of a woman. It wasn't even that Brain already knew who the woman in the picture was. It was WHO the woman in the picture was that made all the difference in the world!

Shego. The very assistant of the very man who had created the very same prototype synthodrome that Brain had stolen with his very own tiny hands and converted into his Brotherson-bot years ago!

With a barely restrained yip of glee, Brain hopped back off the book stack to his waiting minions, who were currently attempting to get Pinky's head unstuck from the pencil sharpener. Fortunately, Possible's foot and a half of synthetic man-part was making too much noise for the pencil sharpener to punch through her hormone addled senses, and Brain solved the problem via the simple but expedient method of turning the hand crank backwards, cackling the whole time with barely restrained glee.

With his Big Daddy Brotherson disguise, the Brain had come far closer to conquering the world than with any of his other plots. Indeed, there was only one person in the world with greater informational resources than his own… Possible's own net guru, Wade Load… and the original plan had been to use Possible to get to Load, and then use Load to find someone besides the uncooperative Dr. Draken to fix the Brotherson-bot.

But this little bombshell... it changed everything!

"This is too delicious Pinky!" Brain giggled. "Too perfect! Kim Possible, the arch enemy of Dr. Drakken, has the hots for Shego, Dr. Drakken's head skull-crusher! And what WOULDN'T the good doctor give to know that the real secret to controlling Possible is within his blue grasp?"

He probably shouldn't have said what he said next, but old habits die hard.

"Pinky, Rufus… Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so Brain, but it doesn't look like she's removing much hair with that big shaver."

"Naco!" added Rufus.

"Oooo yes, with marshmellows!" agreed Pinky.

Brain face-slapped himself and resisted the urge to cry. He had a feeling this caper was going to be an even greater test of his sanity than usual.

.

_And YES folks… here come the OPENING CREDITS_

(to the tune of, duh, Pinky & The Brain)

Pinky, Rufus and the Brain,

Pinky, Rufus and the Brain,

Why are they together?

Allow us to explain…

They had a man-robot,

But it came down with bad dry rot,

Which really sucked…

For Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain  
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain  
Brain.

.

Yes Big Daddy Brotherson,

Was not just big and fat,

He's was actually mousey run,

Who would have thunk of that?

.

But inside his internal cogs,

Became jammed and full of clogs,

He had to be repaired,

Or Brain's plans would be impaired!

.

Poor Pinky and the Brain,

We're about to go insane,

Then Brain hatched a new plan,

That was really quite inane!

.

Their lair they did depart,

In a Fed-Ex box to Smarty Mart,

Which they marked Mole Rats inside,

After they each shaved their tiny hide!

.  
Then they tricked Ron Stoppable,

Who left them with Kim Possible,

And now Chaos will ensue,

When Rufus joins up with them too!  
.

Pinky, Rufus and the Brain,

Pinky, Rufus and the Brain,

One is a genius,

The others are his bane!

Now they'll use a thing called KiGo

To get them where they want to go!

And the world will be ruled…

By Rufus, Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain  
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Narf!

#####################

_And Brain's word for the day, for you P&B purists…_ **Awkweird** – a situation that is both strange AND socialy upsetting.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's note: Okay, I'll admit it. I'm a little stunned at how many people seem to have enjoyed this one. It's a really bizarre idea, even for me… So thanks to all of you who've faved, reviewed and alerted this; thank you, for making me feel like not such a complete weirdo for writing it. (and those of you who haven't, why haven't you?) And now, back to the show! __**Legal disclaimers: Kim Possible, Shego, Rufus, Dr. Drakken and Ron Stoppable are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Pinky and The Brain created by Tom Rueger and Steven Spielberg, and those names are**__** trademarks of Warner Brothers Entertainment. Use in **__**use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, but just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all human characters doing the naughty shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18, while all mole-rats and mice are also of consenting age.**_

########################

**KIGO & THE BRAIN – A Tale of Mice & Kim (and Shego)**

Part 2 – Insert Flashblacks Here!

########################

Sometimes some evils are so great that only the most powerful force of good can counter them. Kim Possible was one such force; someone who was so driven to do what was good and what was right that she had shot right past the definition of the word hero and achieved superhero despite the technicality of having no super powers to speak of. Kind of like Batman, only less gloomy and with a much nicer ass.

Unfortunately, at this particular moment, Kim was completely unaware of the Machiavellian machinations being meticulously manufactured in the mini-sized mousey mastermind of the megalomaniacal miniature monster only a meter or so away. This was because every last bit of focus that the normally stalwart defender of peace and justice had in her entire body was currently being concentrated on an entirely different set of manipulations, specifically the motion of her fingers as they guided the electronic pleasure device to its ultimate destination. **_"YES! THERE! OH GOD YES!"_**

Well, that's what she was thinking. What actually emerged from her gasping petal lips sounded more like this:

"Eeeuuuyuyyaaaa yaaaaa Unnggggh! OooooooooGaaAAAH! YEEEAAAAaaaSSSSSSAAAA!"

Other residents of the dormitory, now completely inured to the sounds emanating from Kim's room, alternately turned up their TV's and stereos or opted to listen in with either their naked ears or the aid of electronic pickup devices. No one was going to comment right now… for one thing, no one was quite sure what or who she was doing in there… however, common sense said that you didn't mess with a girl who had once knocked out a rogue bull elephant with a single kick to the head. But in future years, once they had moved on with their lives, these regular events would become the stuff of legend as bar conversation and pillow talk. _"Oh yeah, that Kim Possible, she was a screamer!" _

In the meantime, Kim was completely oblivious. The single-minded focus that she dedicated to just about everything had almost taken complete control of her. Almost. Because dimly, way in the back of her mind, she found herself once again marveling at the heights to which she'd found that the act of self stimulation could send her, now that she'd finally come to the liberating realization that she had spent the first 18 years of her life focusing her previous attempts at sexual fantasies on the wrong gender. It had simply never occurred to her that she was anything other than a completely average girl (yes, that too was a ridiculous misconception,) and to her then clouded way of thinking, 'average' girls were only interested in boys, right? So she'd intentionally forced herself through all the rituals of dating and socializing… even to the level of subscribing to all the teen girls' magazines to look at the boys who were supposed to be 'hot' or 'hunks,' while inwardly wondering exactly what the big deal was supposed to be. There were times when she felt uncomfortably like the only color blind kid in art class, but she'd wanted to be normal so badly, that she just played along and 'ooo'ed and 'ahh'ed at whoever and whatever her fellow cheerleaders did.

But frankly, the vast majority of guys had never done much for her, and she'd really only found a handful during high school who had even piqued her interest… and, of course, of those, one had turned out to be gay (Josh Mankey,) one had turned out to be non-human (Eric,) and in retrospect, her interest in Hirotaka was really more from the from the ninja-vibe he gave off and a couple of sweet martial arts moves he'd let slip. That left Ron, who had simultaneously been… she hated to admit this… both a rebound AND someone she simply felt was 'safe." And yet, all along, staring her in the face with an obviousness that made her want to slap her own face silly, there had been that one person who'd always completely and totally fascinated her.

Looking back, how could ANYONE have missed such an obvious 1200 pound gorilla sitting in the room? Even without DNAmy's head attached, it still seemed almost impossible to believe. After all, shouldn't the fact that just the sound of Shego's voice could start Kim's heart racing have been a wee subtle hint? The fact that she'd built a collection of surveillance photos of the green woman and made a point of keeping her favorites posted in her locker? Or the fact that after every time she'd got the chance for a down and dirty, hand to hand scrabble with the jade goddess, she'd felt like she'd just had a trip to the spa? But no, supposedly brilliant Kim Possible, daughter of a brain surgeon and a rocket scientist hadn't had a clue! And she probably still wouldn't have figured it out if it hadn't been for one of Drakken's stupid plans falling apart in an even stupider than usual fashion.

Of course, the vast majority of Drakken's plans were stupid, but every so often he would come up with something that might work, and as the night of the Diabo robots and his part in saving Earth from the Lowardians had proven, he could be a major threat under the right circumstances. Which is why his little "relapse" after receiving his global pardon had been so damned frustrating. Not that Kim cared about Drakken, really… but where Drakken went, Shego inevitably followed.

Even when Drakken's plan was a totally ludicrous plot to create a combustible salad dressing. Precisely what this would have accomplished besides causing lettuce to wilt in a highly accelerated fashion was never quite clear, but that was how Kim had come to find herself exchanging fist swings and stomach kicks with the green woman at exactly the wrong moment. When the already overstressed bolts on the overloaded tank of goo had finally hit the snapping point, and a misaimed punch by the jade villainess had caused a seam to violent rupture, dousing the two of them with thousands of gallons of extraordinarily viscous and incredibly vile and disgusting smelling oil!

"Shego!" Kim had screamed, pointing to the huge 'DANGER – EXTREMELY INFLAMMABLE' sign on the ruptured tank, even as the wave of ooze had knocked her off her feet. "Whatever you do, DON'T light up!"

Shego's eyes had bulged as she turned and read the warning, and then the tide overcame her too. Seconds later, both women were deposited a few hundred feet away as the toxic but highly lubricated tidal wave was finally overcome by the countermeasures the building's designers had installed to handle such a disaster, the now congealing glop slowly disappearing through multiple gratings in the floor. Fortunately, they'd both managed to keep their eyes covered, and while it stank like something between kerosene and cayenne pepper, it seemed they'd survived the worst of it.

And THEN they began to ITCH!

"Showers!" Kim yelled, running to the emergency spray down areas required for any toxic chemical storage. Already it seemed like her skin was trying to crawl off her own body and she could see hives breaking out. But as quickly as she was running, Shego was even faster beat her there, sliding the last twenty feet as her feet refused to brake, then toggling the emergency valves and standing under the torrent of water… only to scream and yell in frustration!

"This goddamned stuff is WATERPROOF!" Shego howled, tearing off her catsuit… which, being composed primarily of a synthetic petrochemical based fabric, was already in the process of dissolving. "It's not coming off!"

"Hold on!" Kim yelled, pausing from the act of ripping off her own shirt and bra to grab a double handful of the special liquid detergent in a nearby drum labeled 'Degreaser.' Bearing in mind her own experiences at the rocket lab and the hospital, Kim conducted a quick spot test on her inner arm… and nothing happened. That is to say, there was no chemical reaction, which meant she had the right cleanser; but even while she'd been waiting she'd started filling a utility bucket with the pinkish liquid and, without thinking, was running/sliding towards her arch foe. Now reasonably sure the combination was safe, Kim quickly began slathering the now completely naked green woman with the soap compound.

"Oh thank God! Thank God!" Shego recited like a mantra as the original oil began to yield beneath the degreasing agent. After a second, she thrust her own hands into the bucket and began slathering herself while Kim finished divesting herself of her own pants and underwear, then began her own immersion.

Of course, it was impossible to reach some places, so naturally they just started helping each other apply the degreaser to each other's backs… and that led to helping with each other's hair… Kim had always thought she'd had a lot to deal with, but Shego's hair was even longer… and after a while the whole thing had turned into a mutual grooming session as they put what was left of their clothing in the provided cleaning units and engaged the wash cycles.

And somewhere along, somewhere in the middle of all that, Kim had finally snapped to the fact that they were now both completely naked and… well, to make no bones about it, she couldn't keep her eyes off Shego's body. Not because it was so strange, but because it was so familiar.

Kim had seen lots of other girls naked before; she WAS a cheerleader, after all. But she'd also always known that her own body was just a little… different from those of her fellow squad members. For one thing, not even Bonnie, the second most athletic of their squad, had musculature that even came close to Kim's. There'd been some definition, sure, but not the pronounced, almost 'ripped' look of Kim's own leonine build. And, of course, the other girls all had such perfect skin and Kim… well, Kim had scars. Quite a few of them. Some from rushed surgeries, but mostly just the imperfectly healed cuts that she'd picked up when on missions in some far off place, where by the time she'd actually made it to decent medical care, her body had begun to close up on its own. She wasn't embarrassed about them or anything; they were the result of the way she chose to lead her life and she wouldn't have given that up for anything in the world…

But now, seeing a woman who had the same build, the same kind of scars (though fewer, the ones Shego DID have seemed to have come from far greater traumas,) and… as Kim was now realizing… an amazingly sexy figure; Kim suddenly felt her stomach start doing somersaults. Except that it wasn't her stomach that was doing the gymnastics. It was her reproductive organs. And her heart.

_Oh my God! _She thought in one of those terrifying moment of crystal clarity where something that should have been obvious for years suddenly jumps out of your brain and screams "WHY HAVEN'T YOU BEEN NOTICING THIS?"

Fortunately, Shego seemed to be finding the situation uncomfortable too, so she had a good excuse for suddenly running back to the storage lockers and finding a pair of drab, shapeless jumpsuits intended for toxic waste handlers and painters to wear over their normal clothes.

"Here," She'd said, returning and handing Shego one of the suits, careful to keep her eyes focused away from the green woman's incredible body. "Your catsuit was pretty much destroyed so…"

"Yeah," Shego had acknowledged, slipping quickly into the formless outfit. The pale woman, Kim noted, seemed to be avoiding looking too closely at her as well, now the the immediate need to get rid of the noxious chemical was past. "Maybe I had just better…?"

"Go…?" Kim had responded automatically, though suddenly that was the last thing she had wanted. But Shego had taken it as an agreement.

"Next time, Princess," Shego had said with uncharacteristic softness, and vanished into the maze of pipes and tunnels surrounding the factory, while Kim…

While Kim waited for her laundry to finish and tried to put her world back together.

'_Should I have said something?_' Kim wondered for the ten-thousandth time. _'But… what would I have said? What could I have said?_ Somehow, Kim thought, _'Hey Shego! I just realized that I'm totally gay for you!'_ would not have been received very well.

Forcing that angst down and back into a small drawer in the back of her mind, Kim switched her attention instead back to the memories of the moments just before. Of her hands, coated in the oozing pink soap, slowly moving up and down Shego's sleek, alabaster body… memories of Shego's pale, beautiful hands moving along her own taut stomach… and then the based on fact fantasy segued into purely imaginary fantasy as their hands went further, exploring…. and then her dream lips replaced her dream hands in caressing the wonder that was Shego… tasting… and…

And…

And a wave of orgasms ripped thru Kim's body as her dream self and her fantasy woman came together… physically, mentally and spiritually….

**"_YEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" _**

#######################

Rufus willed himself not to hear the sounds of his human's best friend… entertaining herself… and instead focused his surprisingly powerful mental abilities on his own future plans. It wasn't easy, as Kimberly was being surprisingly vocal in voicing her enthusiasm for the plastic hummy-thingy, but he distracted himself by pontificating on his own reactions. Why was it so important to give her at least the illusion of privacy? It certainly didn't come from any moral pretensions of his own… as someone nimble enough to personally attend to his own "needs" when necessary by far more efficient means, he had no qualm or issue with the act of self-pleasuring; however, having been raised among humans he'd come to understand that were monumentally clueless when it came to understanding their own reproductive processes.

Rufus, of course, had known for years that there was no chance that his Ron and Kimberly KP Kim would ever become mates. Their behavioral patterns had always been those of two kits raised in the same litter, not those of potential sexual partners, and the few awkward attempts they had made in attempting to force a sexual union would have been comical had it not ultimately been so pathetic and emotionally painful for both of them. Rufus had initially been inclined to let them figure their real preferences on their own and let nature take its course… and, indeed, Kim had obviously begun to come… Er, under the current situation, perhaps it was better to say that Kim had begun to _reach_ that conclusion on her own.

Unfortunately, while Ron HAD started dating again, Rufus' human's affections for the red-headed female were continuing to confuse his own mating drive, and even though Ron had received appropriate interest from several suitable females (Rufus favored the one called Yori, although there were several others that would serve as well) the young man seemed unable to completely move on until Kim's own situation was resolved. This was beginning to become a major issue to Rufus; as the mole rat's own plans for the future were rather dependent upon his human friend procreating in a fairly prompt fashion.

Which was, of course, how Rufus had come to be in this rather odd situation. He had long ago come to the conclusion that he was the only one of his species who had been gifted with the ability to comprehend speech, and more recent "research" with mole rat females had proven that he found the company of his own kind as mentally non-stimulating as watching C-Span, that abomination that Ron sometimes used to help himself during the daytime. Since at some point Rufus DID intend to father more of his own kind, it was obvious that without a female of equivalent intelligence, he would need someone besides himself to see to the needs of his offspring, and that meant making sure that the boy got back on the right track sexually and began producing his own children to whom Rufus could bond his own. And in order to do that, he had to get the Kim situation taken care of.

It SHOULD have been so simple… and how anyone with eyes and a nose could miss the fact that Kim and the one they called Shego had been involved in a pre-mating dance was beyond him. Wasn't it glaringly obvious that the shows they made of preening in front of each other, demonstrating their strengths and prowess, were nothing more than an ever escalating courtship display? And if feeble humans couldn't smell the pheromones the two females gave off as they wrangled and wrestled, one would have thought that members of a species given the amazing gift of language would have picked up on the fact that they didn't talk to each other like the mortal enemies they pretended to be!

Granted, the fact that the two were of the same gender was probably a bit confusing, as was the fact that their eventual mating would not produce offspring in the normal fashion; but Rufus had seen enough TV shows to know that the reproductive part of mating was not as much of an issue to humans as the emotional context… and Kim and Shego were more than simply emotionally compatible; they were perfect compliments. Given the way Kimberly was "going at it," as Ron would say, while looking at the picture of Shego she kept hidden in the box, also seemed a certain indication that she was quite interested in mounting the green female and… well, doing whatever it was that human females did during same sex encounters. The problem they seemed to be having in acknowledging how they obviously both felt, on the other paw, seemed to come from that annoying habit humans had of trying to overanalyze every situation and then attempting to convince themselves to think a certain way because they thought it was the way that everyone else wanted them to think rather than because it was how they wanted to think for themselves. And because Kim's ridiculous attempt to adhere to her cultures strange social stigmas and DENY the feelings she so clearly had were obviously tearing her apart at the emotional seams, that meant that Ron was hurting as well.

So, since it was apparent that SOMEONE was going to have to do something about this whole mess, Rufus had nominated the most intelligent being he knew to handled the task: himself. However, he'd been unsure of exactly how to proceed at first…

And then the Brain and Pinky had appeared, and changed everything.

It was odd, Rufus thought, that he had always simply assumed that he was unique and random mutation. However, but both Pinky and Brain had described the lab in which they had been created in. Moreover, there were so many consistent details between their stories when queried separately that Rufus knew that a large part of the pre-fabricated story that the Brain had attempted to trick him with was based on truth. And when Brain's claim to have found references to a Mole Rat project that had paralleled the Mouse project had been independently verified by questioning the far more reliable Pinky, who seemed almost incapable of lying, Rufus had suddenly experienced what he knew his human friends referred to as a Paradigm Shift.

Suddenly, there was the possibility that there could be more like him in the world. Somewhere. And while he loved his human companions, the thought of no longer being alone in the world, of being part of something greater… that would have been an enormous temptation under any circumstances.

And then there was the stupefying, absolutely bewitching fact that, disguised in his Big Daddy Brotherson persona, Brain had actually interacted with the human world on a one to one basis. He had actually BECOME a person… and more than that, he'd risen to become one of the most successful in his field. How could it be that the Brain, who was obviously not completely right in the head, had been able to achieve things that Rufus had always believed to be impossible, if they were not, in fact, possible after all? And if a _Mus musculus domesticus_ could function on it's own as a productive member of society… well, perhaps not productive in Brain's case, but the ability was there… then why couldn't a mole rat? Obviously anything within the capability of their tiny mousey minds couldn't possibly be past the limits of his own…

So when they had first contacted him, heralding their ludicrous attempt at pretending to be naked mole rats with an obviously forged Smarty Mart e-mail-o-gram, Rufus had had a major brainstorm and decided NOT to unmask the Brain's little scheme. No, Rufus had instead decided that maybe he should study these odd creatures a bit before turning them in to the proper authorities. And then, just maybe, he could apply what he had learned in a way that would benefit himself.

Oh, not to take over the world! Rufus had any interest in that, but he felt certain he could manipulate the Brain into setting up a situation that would drive Kim and Shego into each other's arms without Rufus looking too involved. Yes, that would serve his human friends well and then… oh yes… and then, he could set himself up with his own human body and seek out others of his own kind. And for the chance of someday being able to have sex with another member of his species who could think on his level, and to be independent enough to not have to depend on his friend Ron… yes, it would be worth all the risks Rufus already knew he was going to have to take.

"Hey Rufus! Brain! Look!"

Rufus turned to see that Pinky had somehow managed to thread a piece of dental floss up one nostril and out the other. Laughing and 'narf'ing, the fake naked mole rat amused himself by pulling the string back and forth, making his tail move up and down at the same time as if controlled by the motion.

"I'm a puppet! Narf!"

Rufus sighed. The sad thing was that Pinky was probably the happiest one of the lot of them.

#####################

_And Brain's word for the day…_ **WrongSick** – something extremely disturbing, possibly against the laws or simply very socially uncouth. Example: "Writing a Kim Possible masturbation scene that lasts two chapters was just WrongSick!"


End file.
